Sketchy Pineapple Cemetery Pipe Smoking with Some Yelling

There's nothing creepier than walking at night in a small town just for the sake of walking.

I go to college in a small town with not much around it. That leaves me disposed to do a lot of walking. A few nights ago I went out for a night walk to get some energy out. It was probably around midnight. I went out past the campus and through the neighborhood. This wasn't anything unusual for me but I couldn't help thinking how creepy this might have looked. Most of the time I'm walking with someone else at night but this time it was just me.

Any reasonable person would have seen me and thought I was out buying drugs or off to bury a body or both. Maybe it's just my self-consciousness but being alone brings out a sketchier image.

I've had nights where cops were checking out what I was up to; the only difference was that one or two others were with me. Peace of mind is always with me because I know I'm not up to anything illegal. Of course I don't blame the police for thinking we are. I remember one time me and a friend were arguing with someone outside of a cemetery while I was smoking a tobacco pipe and holding a pineapple. A cop drove by and shined his flashlight on us and kept driving. I thank God he didn't ask any questions. (I hope to tell more of that story another time.)

Armadillo Bank of America Mob

On Armadillos:

Some people don't know this, but South Carolina has been under siege lately by these weird creatures. Not too long ago they were only in the southwest but they have found their way here by some awful turn of events.

My case against them is strong. They are essentially tiny dinosaurs that eat fire-ants and carry syphilis. On top of that they move remarkably quick. There was a video of a guy approaching an armadillo with a stick, and the small dinosaur went in attack mode and chased the dude. Just as you think it couldn't get any worse, it let out a shrill Nazgûl-like shriek that is now ingrained in this guy's mind.

Back in August I saw an armadillo in our backyard. At first I thought it was a opossum, but looking closer at it I saw it's shell in the brightness of a streetlight. The legends were true.

I instinctively went for my BB gun, knowing the dangers of these animals (plus the cats were a little concerned). I was a safe distance off from any backlash the armadillo would have, about 80 feet, and I shot.

The first one missed I think, so I fired again and heard the BB hit its shell. The thing rapidly turned around and started coming towards me, totally disregarding the danger it was in. It hopped off to the front yard and I didn't see it again. There was another time, about three weeks later when I heard it moving through the backyard, but it was too dark to make it out.

If you can say anything good about these dudes, it's that they are brave. They stand up to anyone who would dare oppose them. The downside to their attitude is that they are dangerous to some degree, and damaging. Often they will dig holes in the ground, looking for food (our yard is now filled with these). They are also a danger for salamanders and bobwhite quail, according to Extension Agent, Ben Powell of Clemson University (see here for more information: http://www.clemson.edu/psapublishing/pages/hort/IL93.pdf). While I'm at it, I'm confident in saying that they don't show up for jury duty when called upon.

Just a final word: these diseased turtle-pig-rabbit spawns are known for burrowing underground to escape cold temperatures, and there is a sizeable hole next to our house. On an unrelated note I'm going out tomorrow for firecrackers.

-Todd


  

Mainly Beef Jerky

Hey folks,

I apologize for the last post and for those that were tricked into reading it. Hopefully you were not too irked by the clickbait. The content was more vital than the title in all honesty.

In all seriousness I do want to take a moment to let anyone who knows that I am trying to find some sort of niche on this blog. I have no idea who is reading this but every one is appreciated. There is a natural tendency for me to let friends and associates know about this site, but for whatever timid desire I don't want to. If they find this by chance then that's great. But I'd like to reach out to those I don't know.

For now the bulk of these posts will be anything that's on my mind. I aim to be humorous in these and fail, which is likely why I have no followers at the moment. For today I'd like to let you all know I am well-versed in the art of beef jerky making. I started over a year ago for a project in a Entrepreneur class in high school. In the spring presentation to a panel of judges, I won first place and moved on to the next round a few weeks later. I didn't advance from there because of a crap Q&A session, but the product hasn't changed. Everyone who has bought it has loved it somehow, and the jerky has had success ever since.

If any of you are interested in buying some or would like more information please get in contact with me via email. I have some means of packaging them and delivering them. Have a good one!

-Todd         

Trump and Obama's Friendship, and their SECRET Alliance with Vladimir Putin

  


   It's been a while since I wrote last on here. Most of these posts have been random thoughts I wanted to put to words real quick. Since then Donald Trump has been elected as POTUS, and people's convictions have armored even more. Some bad has happened, and some good.

   But I have to admit this post isn't about Trump and Obama or their alliance with Putin. The title is just to get your attention. I want to talk a little about 10 Cloverfield Lane. If you're one of the 24 people who saw and liked both Cloverfield and 10 Cloverfield Lane, it is of some interest to know that the two could be connected. Some have been calling it an "anthology" series, which is another way of saying they are not related (although a Twilight Zone-y thing is cool to consider).

   I'm gonna save you the time and recommend this theory video below that explains this possibility. Have a good one!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDWJa2RqUGo

-Todd

American Lion

Greetings reader, it's been a while since I've blogged so I thought I'd revisit. Speaking of revisits, I took a peak at a favored biography recently. Not only is it very good but it is one of my favorite reads, period (even though I read books as much as vegans eat eggs). The book is American Lion - Andrew Jackson in the White House, by Jon Meacham.
I bought it back in November at a bookstore; a teacher had mentioned it some time ago and it caught my eye. Reading it with growing intrigue, I kept up for about a month but took a break from it after the Christmas holiday. I continued reading it tonight out of boredom.
Jon Meacham does an unbelievable job of drawing you in to Andrew Jackson's story. Part of that reason is simply because Jackson had an extraordinary life, filled with plenty of obstacles. It is understood that Jackson obviously wasn't a flawless man, but his love for his country and family is made evident. The goal of Andrew Jackson was to protect the common man, which I think is a relevant idea today. Anyone interested in American history should definitely look into American Lion.

Summertime

The summer season in the south is generally miserable. There are moments of relief such as swimming, laziness, and the occasional cool drink. But the humidity causes me to be extremely hostile to the weather.

It's a rule that autumn is the most refreshing time of year. By the end of August, people are tired of living in the seventh level of Hell, so the cool air brings out happiness.

I'm not sure if this climate is similar to that of California or Vermont, where I assume the humidity is not as extreme. South Carolina, however, has been cursed with unholy levels of hotness that makes going outside for a minute unbearable.  

The Sopranos

I have been watching The Sopranos for about two months now on HBO Go. It took some time getting into it, but it has really paid off. It's refreshing to watch a show with good story components, and this show pulls it off.

I haven't seen too many shows on HBO outside of Curb Your Enthusiasm and Game of Thrones, which are both great. Thrones and Sopranos seem to give each other a run for their money. They seem to be good in their own way; there's not one better than the other in my opinion.

Which one do you prefer? (By the way, John Adams on HBO is also legit - check it out.)